Some weeks ago, I received a message from a man, who asked me if I was able to fix his broken heart. I wish I could have said yes !
As many of you here, I’ve known this situation, when you feel like your body is falling apart, your stomach is knotted, the tears that come at every memory, the anger, the lack of interest in everything, the sleepless nights, the days spent in bed or on the sofa watching sad films and eating gallons of ice cream, the desperate search for a remedy to make the pain go away or at least decrease it.
In these cases, I also wish I could find a bandage for my little heart in pieces, but the sad truth is that there is nothing to do, except letting the time pass and surrounding yourself with friends, family, love and tenderness.
Some of you contact me after a painful breakup, even sometime after the decease of your love one, so it can be a emotional experience for both of us.
It seems important for me to have this discussion to reassure those who hesitate to contact me, those who are afraid to not be at their best, those you think they are not enough healed to do this type of encounter;
First of all: you are never force into something with me.
If we meet but you realize that you can’t go further, I’ll never take offence. Particularly in case of bereavement, I know that I am sometime the first woman you hug, kiss, touch, since the loss of your love one. It’s something really intimate so it can take time. Sometimes you feel like you are ready for that but your body send you the opposite message… You don’t have to apologize, it’s not a failure. You thought that you could run up the stairs, but your body and your brain are holding you back at the very first step. One step is already a big move! Maybe the start of a process that will take is time…
Second point: never apologize for crying with me.
I’ve met men who, feeling the tears welling up when we met, would apologize profusely and sometimes even go and hide in the bathroom so they wouldn’t break down in front of me..
I know it’s not easy, you can feel uncomfortable because, most often, men are encouraged to hide their emotions. Crying could even be seen as a weak reaction. However, you have to know that these injunctions are not my cup of tea. I think it’s something really toxic that we need to get ride of. If you want/need to cry with me, do it!
Some men apologise for “ruining” our happy time. If it’s true that I really enjoy funny encounters but I’m also there for the less happy times in life. When I’m having a good evening with friends, if one of them suddenly starts crying or tells us something sad, I’m not going to call him a killjoy! No, I serve him a drink, I serve myself a drink, I hold his hand and I ask him to talk to me. Cause I’m ultra-sensitive (even more so when I’ve had a few drinks), I often end up with tears in my eyes while consoling him. Well, my make-up is ruined, but at least the person is being listened to and it’s important to be able to confide in someone when things aren’t going well.
For widowed men, you can talk to me about your partner, you can tell me about the good memories (how you met, your marriage, the birth of your children…) or the not so good ones (illness, death, suffering…). That’s what I’m here for too, to get to know you and what you’ve been through. You can also choose not to talk to me about it, I’m not going to interrogate you – that would be totally inappropriate on my part.
All this to say that although I don’t have the ability to mend broken hearts, we can go a long way together, just long enough to feel a bit better, long enough to find a beautiful companion with whom to build a new relationship. I’m always delighted when a man I’m seeing tells me that he’s met someone, that he’s in love. That’s when it’s time for me to step aside and wish you all the best in this new adventure.
Je vous embrasse !
