We have a date and there, the anxiety rises “Zut, how do I prepare for a meeting with Louise?” Some people dare to ask me my preferences while others stay with their questions until the day D. So, just to avoid fashion-faux-steps and unnecessary headaches, I made a little «guide of survival».
Louise, do I have to shave? Epilate? And how do you like the beard? And down?
Put down that electric mower and get away from it! Don’t go remove your beautiful “toison” for me!
The number one rule with me is “come as you are”. Yes I know, it sounds very cliché but it’s true. I’ve seen a lot of men epilating, shaving or worse, waxing (I say “worse” because pain level is still on another level) with a view of our date. For some it’s in their habits and it doesn’t really bother me (we’ll come back to it later) but for many others it was the first time and it bothers me a little more. If you have hair and you don’t usually touch it, then leave it! 1) it will save you from ingrown hair, cuts, irritations and 2) you will make me happy. Because yes, I come here to confess a kink, an adoration, what do I say? A passion! The hairs. Some here have already been surprised to see me, the air absent, grinding, caressing their “toison”. I become as hypnotized, I hardly speak anymore and I plunge my hands again and again into these dark forests. Well, obviously it concerns the chest hair, I don’t do that with those of the armpits and even less with those of the pubis (which would be hilarious, I imagine the scene very well) but all your hairs don’t bother me. Those on the chest, those in the armpits, those on the back, those on your big toe, etc. I love them all. When I accept to see someone, I accept him and his thousands of hairs!
BUT (yes, it can’t be that simple), we need to talk about some things anyway.
First of all, if you have the habit of shearing or shaving your body, it can complicate our intimacy a bit. As a Great-Allergic-in-Chief and Mistress of Reactions-Body-Rotten, you should know that short hair can irritate my skin. Really irritate it. I’ve already covered myself with red patches during a hug because of the friction of the stiff hairs. So, if you don’t shave, don’t shave and if you’re used to shaving, then try to plan a time when the hairs won’t be too hard.
It’s not just the torso that can be a problem. Indeed, if you shave your pubic it can also sometimes complicate our sex moment. Because these rubbings are no longer only on my skin, they also irritate my vulva. The back and forth can be quite painful in these conditions. If you don’t shave, please don’t. And if you are used to do it, please let it be a little before our meeting.
About the beard, I can’t advise you too much because some have the hair soft enough, others hard enough, some have fast regrowth, others do not, etc.
In any case, I reserve the right to slow down our ardor if it’s painful. Unless you have shaved your entire body, I reassure you, we always find nice alternatives, it doesn’t break anything, it’s just a small readjustment!
” But, Louise, I am hairless! Is that a reason to refuse a meeting?“
Not at all! I don’t judge meetings based on hair. Besides, if you do have hair, I could very well find myself so fascinated by it that I spend hours stroking it, instead of your body hair.
“I am bald Louise…”
Ah… Well listen, we will find other points of hook, it doesn’t matter!
“I’m hairless, bald, pro-Trump, and I’ve even left my dog on the side of the highway to go on vacation”
If you don’t put in some effort yourself, I can’t help you, sorry.
I really don’t understand the people who say that if you don’t epilate, if you don’t shave, you are «not clean», it does not make any sense (it’s even the opposite: the hair is not there for nothing, they protect against certain infections). If you feel more comfortable shaving your armpits or waxing your butt crack, that’s totally fine, it’s your choice, and I have nothing to say about it. However, when I see men telling women who have pubic hair, that they are “not clean”, it leaves me a bit pensive. So, if that’s what you think then you can go your way because even if I maintain my pretty pubic forest, it’s out of the question that I turn into Bolsonaro of pussy. I took too long to be comfortable with it and I would not let anyone come to tell me what to do with my pubic hair!
“And what about the perfume? What do you think?”
I am someone who works quite a bit with smell. Like a little animal I like to sniff my food, my drink… and my partners!
I have a little too sensitive nose on everything that is «artificial smells», it blurs my radars and takes up too much space in the moment. I have nothing against a little perfume, a slight smell of deodorant or soap on your skin but I have a lot, a lot of problems with people who empty half the bottle or use too strong a perfume.
I can get off a bus or subway if the smell bothers me too much because with the crowds and heat it’s rarely good for me (and fainting on public transport is lame, plus everyone hates you because you make them late). It often happens to me to change sidewalk if I find myself behind someone who has abused his Azzaro or his Chanel because even several meters behind, I noticed that I was able to follow a person «to the nose» (and believe me, truffle dogs are fun next to me! Even if in my opinion, to my great despair, I would be unable to find a truffle with flair…).
I’ve already met men who clearly overdo it with the perfume and I must tell you about the rest of these appointments. Usually, I go home and take a good shower, taking care to generously wash my head and rinse my hair. And it happens that despite this, I still smell the scent on me. I can’t tell if it’s in my nose, if it’s really on me or if it’s just my imagination. It can definitely disturb my night (when I tell you that I am very sensitive to artificial smells it is not a joke). So, you can imagine, when this person contacts me again, despite all the sympathy and affection I have for him, I will be totally held back by this perfume thing. It’s a shame…
The funny thing is that I’m not as sensitive to other smells. I was a nurse and never really bothered by all the things you can smell when working in this field (and believe me, the human body can be very, very inventive). Obviously, I will not say that it doesn’t bother me if you come without having washed after participating in Koh-Lanta or made the Paris Marathon, there is a minimum. But I prefer the smell of a natural skin, even of a skin after love, which has moved and sweated a little, rather than a skin drowned under perfume. We have lost too much of this animal side, we want at all costs to mask all the odors, we even go so far as to make people believe that a vulva have to be washed with a special soap and that we must regularly “refresh” it with scented wipes (I plead guilty the first eh, I was so stressed at the idea of “feeling” that I used a lot). Even if you think I’m a hippie, I want to say “Let our bodies live and secrete their smells quietly“, I bond with my partner both through discussions and through the body, and for me, the latter is largely mediated by smell. To tell you the truth, I’ve even recorded the scent of the skin of most of the lovers I’ve had in my private life, and I like to evoke it when I think of them. It multiplies my sensations and memories. There is one who smells of beer, sweat, tobacco, and deodorant (just to clarify: he doesn’t spray himself with beer in the morning, he simply works in a bar). Hearing it like that, you might think “yuck” but I assure you, this mixture is absolutely intoxicating! Just talking about it gives me butterflies in my stomach!
Anyway, I could talk for hours on the importance of smell in my relationships and on my life in general but this article will already be long so I’ll stop there. In the second part that will be released in a few days we will talk about clothes. The hippie I am will change into anti-Christina Cordula. And we will also talk about food because we never talk about it enough!
